Chapter Nine: Life and Death

The chill of early spring lingered in the air, and the faint cries of crows echoed through the night breeze.

This relay station lay thirty miles from the capital. On ordinary days, it welcomed and bid farewell to many high-ranking officials and nobles.

Captain Sun, leading his men, entered the station. The stationmaster looked down on a mere eighth-rank military officer and was even less willing to allow the families of exiled traitors inside. Without hesitation, he declared, “You may rest inside the station, but the exiled traitors’ families must stay outside.”

After Captain Sun exhausted all his polite words and brandished the Eastern Palace’s banner, the stationmaster reluctantly agreed, permitting the women of the Pei family to stay inside for one night.

Having eaten some dry biscuits and drunk their fill of cold water, the frail elders and children crowded onto the beds, while the others spread straw on the floor and slept in their clothes.

The Pei women, once accustomed to wealth and comfort, had never imagined they would ever fall to such a low state.

Their intermittent sobbing never ceased. The only one who truly managed to fall asleep was the little dog, tightly held in Mother Mao’s embrace.

Pei Qinghe closed her eyes to rest for an hour. After midnight, she opened them and glanced to the side. The little dog had somehow slipped into Madam Feng’s arms, while Mother Mao was nowhere to be seen.

Pei Qinghe sighed inwardly, rose quietly, and went searching. She found Mother Mao beneath a tree in the northwest corner of the station.

The faint moonlight washed over Mother Mao’s pale, grim face.

Her loose gown hung around her, and in her hand she clutched a long sash, her eyes full of torment and despair.

At Pei Qinghe’s approach, Mother Mao trembled all over, biting her lip fiercely.

“Is it truly impossible to go on?” Pei Qinghe asked calmly, without anger.

Mother Mao’s tears welled up, words caught in her throat, unable to escape.

“If you don’t want to live, no one can save you,” Pei Qinghe said evenly. “If you decide to die, you’ll take the little dog with you—your family of three, together in the afterlife.”

Mother Mao shut her eyes in pain, tears streaming uncontrollably.

Madam Feng, who had come out holding the little dog, stood a short distance behind Pei Qinghe, her face full of worry.

The station was small. The noise roused many of the already restless Pei family members. Several young Pei daughters-in-law, eyes red from crying, stepped forward and tore the sash from Mother Mao’s hand.

“The Pei family has fallen on hard times. Few who have made it to Youzhou are likely to survive,” Pei Qinghe said coldly. “Those who want to live, I, Pei Qinghe, will do everything in my power to keep them alive.”

“For those who don’t want to live, better to die soon and be reborn, sparing the wasting of food.”

The young daughters-in-law all shuddered, instinctively turning their heads to look.

Under the cool moonlight, Pei Qinghe’s expression was icy, her calmness bordering on cruel indifference.

---

Indeed.

Life and death are one’s own affair.

If you refuse to live, who will repeatedly reach out to pull you back?

To close your eyes and die swiftly, or to open them and strive to live?

Pei Qinghe left these words behind without another glance at Mother Mao and strode away. Passing Madam Feng, she tossed over, “Give the little dog to her. Whether she lives or dies, she takes the little dog with her.”

Madam Feng hesitated, then pressed the dog into Mother Mao’s arms and hurried after her daughter.

“Qinghe, what you just said...” Madam Feng paused and whispered, “Could you speak more gently and tactfully?”

Pei Qinghe replied lightly, “A bitter pill is needed for a sick heart. Whether it works or not is uncertain. There are over three hundred Pei family members. If eighty percent survive to Youzhou, that would already be good.”

Madam Feng was left speechless.

Captain Sun stood by the window, taking in the entire scene.

Several trusted men gathered nearby, enjoying the spectacle.

The broad-faced soldier exclaimed, “That Miss Pei Liu is really something.”

From “that girl in the Pei family,” she had naturally become “Miss Pei Liu.”

The others nodded in agreement. “She’s got a ruthless streak that makes people uneasy.”

“Pei Zhongde is the top general among the Twelve Palace Guards,” Captain Sun suddenly said. “His three thousand cavalry under command are the elite of the palace guards. Though only a fourth-rank officer, the Wei King’s faction fears him deeply.”

“Pei Boren, who serves as the Eastern Palace’s equerry, is also a man of wit and courage, but still not as formidable as Pei Zhongde.”

Turning around, Captain Sun’s eyes grew complex. “A few years ago, during military drills, I drew lots and unfortunately faced General Pei. By the ninth move, I was swept away by his spear.”

The black mole-faced soldier suddenly understood. “No wonder you treat Miss Pei Liu with such respect. There’s more to it than meets the eye.”

“A tiger’s father has no dog for a daughter. Miss Pei Liu must be exceptionally skilled.”

“Of course! She wants to be clan leader, and no one in the Pei family objects. That shows what a formidable figure she is.”

The broad-faced soldier muttered, “Not lasting ten moves, that’s pretty weak... ouch!”

Captain Sun retracted his leg and said expressionlessly, “We rise early tomorrow. Everyone go to sleep.”

---

...

On the road to exile, Captain Sun and his men ate the same dry biscuits—enough only to fill their stomachs.

Each Pei family member, regardless of age, received one piece.

The dry biscuit was palm-sized, blackened, mixed with bran. A sharp bite could crack a tooth. One had to nibble slowly, chewing it carefully in the mouth.

Today they had an extra twenty clean water skins, filled to save every drop—enough to last the day.

Though harsh and cruel, Captain Sun had not mistreated the women of the family. His soldiers exchanged lewd words along the way but committed no outright offenses. Among the decayed ranks of the Great Jing Army, this was considered rare decency.

The dry biscuit’s roughness made it hard to swallow.

Madam Feng took a bite, then silently looked at her daughter.

But Pei Qinghe chewed one bite after another with relish, as if savoring a delicacy.

Madam Feng’s heart ached; her nose stung with bitterness. She turned her head, wiping her eyes with her sleeve.

Pei Qinghe pretended not to see and continued to battle the dry biscuits to the end.

Only those who have truly experienced hunger understand its taste.

On the road to exile years ago, she was always ravenous. In Youzhou, hunger came in waves. Wild game, stripped of skin, bones, and entrails, barely made enough broth for the whole family.

Later, when they robbed mountain bandits and seized grain from wealthy households, more followers joined her. Then, as chaos spread in the court and countryside, large numbers of refugees flocked to the Pei army.

The number of mouths she had to feed grew wildly. At her hardest times as a rebel leader, she couldn’t even spare a whole steamed bun for herself.

Other rebel armies lacked supplies and turned to cannibalism. The Pei army strictly forbade eating human flesh, and their rations were never sufficient.

She shared hardship with her soldiers, drinking from the same pot. Full bellies were a rare luxury.

Though unpleasant in taste, the dry biscuit filled their stomachs.

Only when full could they find the strength to march on.

Pei Yan, Pei Feng, and the other children bit into their biscuits with all their might.

A sudden cry escaped: Pei Feng frowned, spitting out a loose baby tooth.

Pei Qinghe reached out to rub her cousin’s head gently, smiling faintly.