Chapter Fifty-Three: The Young Lady as Foolish as a Pig

Let me recommend a hilarious novel, "Sanctuary of the Great Deities." This book is genuinely funny—it's close to 600,000 words now, and while the concept borrows inspiration from Zhang Xiaohua's "The Most Chaotic in History," the actual content is completely different. It can make you laugh from beginning to end. Though it's written in the first person, it doesn't feel out of place at all.

PS: Don't read it while eating or drinking—I wouldn't want you to choke from laughter...

If anyone was more anxious than Wu Yuanshuang that morning, it could only be Tiger Lei. As an accomplished rogue, Tiger Lei knew he could never stand against the authorities. Any force, no matter how sinister, would melt away before the government like snow in July.

He had only just kidnapped that kid early in the morning, and by noon, the entire city was in uproar. Not only were the people from Zhang’s Pharmacy searching for the child, but the newly appointed overlord of Jinyang, the Duke of Tang’s mansion, was also turning the city upside down in their search. The powerful figures they mobilized were enough to make even a hardened scoundrel like Tiger Lei’s scalp tingle.

Tiger Lei was beside himself with regret. Never in his wildest dreams did he imagine that kidnapping a child would cause such a storm. Officers from the magistrate’s office had already come to question him, threatening that if he was behind the incident, he’d better hand the boy over immediately. If those from the Duke of Tang’s mansion found out, vanishing without a trace would be the best possible outcome.

Who was this boy? Could he be connected to the Duke of Tang? Had Wu Yuanshuang set him up this time? Damn it—even if he’d been set up, he was determined to drag Wu Yuanshuang down with him. If he had to take the blame, he would make sure Wu Yuanshuang burned with him.

Tiger Lei paced nervously all morning like a cat on hot bricks, when Wu Yuanshuang suddenly burst in.

“You’ve got some nerve showing your face! If you think you can set me up, I’ll kill you, believe it or not!” Tiger Lei glared, roaring like an angry tiger.

“Quiet! If anyone hears, neither of us will live to see another day.” Wu Yuanshuang darted shifty eyes around the grand hall and only relaxed when he saw they were alone.

“What’s there to be afraid of? If you think you can set me up, I’ll bury you alive right here in the courtyard!” Though Tiger Lei’s words were fierce, his voice had already dropped a few notches.

“Give it a rest! If you had that kind of nerve, you’d already be the boss of Jinyang instead of running these petty schemes. To be honest, I just found out myself—turns out that kid is involved in some shady business between His Majesty and the Duke of Tang. You’d better get rid of him fast. If they find out, there’ll be nowhere left on earth for you to hide.”

Wu Yuanshuang decided to double down on his bluff. Since he’d already started spinning tales, he might as well keep going—after all, Tiger Lei was one of those types whose strength far outstripped his wits. With his own cunning, outfoxing Tiger Lei was child’s play.

“What? You’re saying this is connected to His Majesty?” Tiger Lei’s eyes bulged wider than a bull’s. Heavens above! This was no longer just the Duke of Tang’s business—if it involved the Emperor, how could he possibly hope to keep his life?

“That’s right, it’s tied to the Emperor. I heard rumors back in Luoyang—His Majesty is wary of the Duke of Tang but can’t touch him for lack of evidence, so he sent him into exile here in Jinyang. Just yesterday, the Duke’s second son was mysteriously injured by a wild beast, and it was that child who healed him.”

“You mean… His Majesty sent someone to assassinate the Duke’s second son?”

“That’s only part of it. Don’t you think it’s odd that this child suddenly appeared in Jinyang, and why he possesses such strange knowledge?”

“You’re saying…!” Terror filled Tiger Lei’s eyes. Good grief—just what kind of person had he kidnapped?

The two masterminds were nearly scared to death, while Yun Hao slept soundly, dead to the world. He hadn’t slept at all the previous night, and now, tied up in a sack and unable to move, he decided to conserve his strength. He’d need all his energy to deal with the kidnappers.

Yun Hao had a dream—a decidedly inappropriate one. The female lead wore a veil, her features always hazy no matter how hard he tried to glimpse her face. Just as he was about to lift the veil and embrace beauty, a sudden kick to his rear startled him awake.

“Everyone in Jinyang is desperate to find this brat. Stay alert. Things are getting tricky—boss says to lay low, and if anything goes wrong, he'll have our hides,” croaked a voice that sounded a bit like that soccer commentator Mr. Han from the old days.

“Don’t worry, Second Master! It’s just me and these three new boys, guarding a kid and a woman—nothing can go wrong. The harder they search, the more valuable our prize. Second Master, just look after us a little when the time comes. The bosses eat meat—we’ll be happy just to lick the bowl, heh heh!” Another voice chimed in, lewd and unscrupulous—clearly no good character.

“You’ll get your share, don’t worry!”

“Second Master, that girl’s still a maiden, isn’t she? How about we…” The lasciviousness in his words matched his voice.

“Don’t! I’m the young lady from Zhang’s Pharmacy. If you let me go, my uncle will pay you silver. My uncle-in-law is Wu Shiyue, a captain in the Eagle Regiment. He has a big business in Jinyang—if you dare lay a finger on me, he’ll have your skin!” Suddenly, Zhang Miaoke’s melodious voice called out, muffled as though she, too, was tied up in a sack.

“Oh! So she’s a young lady. Second Master, you’re in luck!” The rascal’s laughter was relentless.

“Little missy, behave! You’re not the first noble girl we’ve caught—every one of them, I’ve had my fun. That delicate skin is irresistible. Today I’ll be the one to break you in. Damn—who’d have thought we’d catch such a fat sheep? Ha!” The Second Master cackled, his croaking voice dripping with malice. The other man echoed his laughter, a duet of villainy.

Yun Hao closed his eyes in exasperation. Zhang Miaoke’s words couldn’t have come at a worse time—now that she’d revealed her identity, these kidnappers would surely kill her after extorting a ransom. Wu Shiyue was a force to be reckoned with in Jinyang, and if word got out, these men would be finished. For someone usually so clever, Zhang Miaoke was acting like a fool.

“Gentlemen, if it’s money you’re after, spare my sister and I promise you fortune beyond your dreams,” Yun Hao finally spoke up, unable to feign death any longer after hearing the Second Master’s threat.